Have you ever stared hard at something...

And tried to figure it out? 

There's so many things these days, different types of bikes, wheels, and whatever else.  You get used to having to look at something properly, having to use all your faculties to ascertain what use a cardboard mud guard, why someones glued leather gloves to their handlebars, or if they actually think the fabric 'flesh coloured' plaster (the kind that was ALWAYS floating in the verruca pool at swimming) is actually going to hold the seat to it's post. 

Being in the Big London, there's this bike just parked outside our hotel and for the past three days I've been trying to work out how it's ridden.  Standing on the pedals arms stretched out far, changing direction like pulling the ropes on a boat sail?

Or perhaps sat down far, the owner with a reach like Mr Stretch, leisurely gliding along not a shit to be given?

Three days I've looked and pondered on this. 

Three days I've examined closely, curious, wondering if it would be rode standing up on the pedals, body forward into the handlebars as if skiing.  Or leisurely sat down, arms stretched out, and corners leaned into like one does on a sail boat?  Why is the wheel tucked in so? Is the bell difficult to use?  I'm imagining some sort of chin notion that doesn't seem safe.  But then... but then....

Perhaps it's just a fixie, with the front wheel turned round for ease of locking.  Sometimes... cycling really is just that simple. 

Sicky Icky

I was quite ill last year.  Three bouts of antibiotics and a face infection so I'm very nervous about being sick this year.  Doesn't help I'm producing so much snot I could bathe in it.

Usually I get on best at this time with high intensity interval training, but I don't think it helps with being ill and all so I'm trying heart rate training.  I was initially doing 160bpm but since my nose is leaking like it hit an iceberg, and I'm a bit virussy, I'm going to take that down to less than 150bpm.  

I'm also doing this on my mobile so of anyone can tell me how to justify my paragraphs I'd be forever greatful.

Jx

Not going outside...

...there be things like fresh air and sunshine.

No.  Not today as I've woken up in a black fug, which isn't helped by the 18 degree outside temperature and broad sunshine.  My misery wants some company but the summer burned off the haar from this morning and there are people smiling.

I'm not sure but I think my mood might be slightly affected by my decision to change my diet.  If there's anything that will put me in a black fug it is the word 'diet'.  Food restriction of any kind tends to make me a bit twitchy eyed.  Mostly because we could be doing so many things more with our time rather than thinking 'I really shouldn't have had that cake' or agonizing over calories*. The hypocrisy of this is that as someone who has a lot of food allergies there are a lot of things I shouldn't eat, and indeed, I'm probably one of the few people who really should be thinking 'I really shouldn't...' and since I haven't been thinking that I'm feeling the bloat.  The big massive watery bloat.  So I've been cooking beans all day.  Black beans, pinto beans, black eyed peas** beans and chick... er.. beans. It's in the hope that instead of having a cheese toastie of a luncheon I shall be able to quickly either nuke or boil off some beans in some soup or for some salad and munch on that, and then eat the cake I usually have.

'I got a feelin'... Woo Hoo... that I'm gonna eat some chickpeas... '

I have also been doing the 5:2 'lifestyle'*** with a friend of mine.  I'd put on a stone of weight about two years ago - sounds strange but I could feel it in my knees - but once back on my usual exercise regime it didn't come off.  Being a wee bit older now I have to look at other options. It's 2 days of a two egg omelet and soup split up on a Monday and a Wednesday. Most folks think that sounds awful but then I've come to the conclusion that most folks can't cook.  Most days it's a doddle but if I've scheduled a omelet and diet coke day and I'm not really feeling it I don't. My weight went down about 4kg and I've gone down a notch on my belt, but it's kind of stalled now but as I say I need to get back into the habit of eating stuff I'm not so wholly intolerant to.

Today is a 'fast day' but I'm not hungry.  I've had a sh!t load of coffee.I normally have about 3 cups regardless, but I still feel like I haven't woken up properly so I had my lunch early.  I had edemame miso soup with pak choi and I'm not feeling hungry just in need of a nap.   The dog is lying on the couch softly snoring and it's very tempting to join her. Though it is getting close to her time for  a walk.  It would probably do us both good.

Jx




* I could go into the psycology of false humility there is in 'weightloss'  but I'm not going to. I can't be arsed.

** no Fergies or Will.I.Ams have been hurt during the making of these munchies.

*** Not using the word diet, no.

Much much cheapness....

Yoda of cheapness I am.

This year I'm trying to live more simply and as such that requires a certain spend-thrift-ness on a few choice items, mostly the stuff that if - for cycling - I haven't needed it by now it's probably not worth spending money on.  Regardless of this attitude I do find my little handy going out when I'm in my local bike shop or perusing the internet and one thing I've always fancied (but have managed to do without) is arm warmers.  I previously had a cracking thick nylon cycling jacket (endura) which was brilliant.  I could wear nothing but a vest top underneath on a sunny day and not find myself too warm, but at the same time wear just the one long sleeve top on -1 deg and not get a chill.  This jacket was thermal enough and water resistant enough to go snowboarding, but breathable enough so as not to over cook myself in 30 degree sunshine.  I miss that jacket.  It is sadly a little too worn now, it's gone a bit crusty and the back pockets being made of the same water resistant fabric as the rest of the jacket collect water in the rain so it's no longer practical to wear.

As a result I'm making do with a couple of jackets I got a couple of years ago that I got in a sale.  MD made them and they're fine.  They soft nylon, and at about £15 each they're neither water resistant nor wind resistant, but they do alright with a waterproof over them, and layering under them.  The difficulty I have with them is that they're too warm to wear a full thermal top underneath, and with them not being wind resistant coming down in long descents gets very chilly, at the same time if I wear a waterproof specifically for wind resistance I get a bit sweaty.  So what's a girl to do....?

Well the answer here is to get me some arm warmers.  But without spending any money.  How does one do that? One gets CREATIVE!!!!!!

How to make your own arm warmers - It's dead easy:

1.  Get your running tights, old padded lycra long johns, very cheap leggings from Primark, turn them inside out and lay them flat and look at the seams that run down the legs.  On one side it will look like the fabric weave runs along with the seam, and on the other side of the seam the fabric weave is going into the seam in a 'v' shape.  Since no cyclist has arms thicker than their legs you want to keep the side where the weave runs along the seam intact.

Weave runs horizontal to seam

Weave going into the seam in a 'v'.

2.  Cut to your desired length straight across the leg.  Cut from the top (thigh end) not the bottom because the bottom will be a rather comfortable cuff edge on your wrist and will save any more faffing about.  You can use scissors but because I'm a swanky pants I'm using a rotary cutter.

Leg cut at thigh end.

3. Cut to your desired thickness by folding your cuff edge as far up on the piece itself to as how thick it is on the thigh and cutting to the fold.

Where I have the ruler at the top edge is where I want to cut this across.
If you have chunkier arms than mine you may want to go further up the leg. 

I have to admit here that I never actually measured the top of my bicep and just cut straight across.  For your reference I'm a thick limbed 5ft woman the same weight as Chris Froome (possibly a wee bit heavier since he's away doing the Daphine at the mo'.)  It's tight on me but doesn't cut off the circulation.

You can see where the seam starts for what is now the unfinished arm warmer.

4.  Double thread a needle - the doubled over thread length on the needle should not be longer than your fore arm, any longer and it will tangle* -  and tie a knot in the end.

Thread threaded on needle and doubled over with knot at the end
(you can just see it.)

Cut off the excess from the non needle side of the knot**.

Knot with excess cut close.

Start to sew by pushing the needle through both layers of fabric to make roughly 3mm size stitch, but do not pull thread all the way through.   Push needle through the thread on the side of the stitch with the knot on it.  Pull taught enough so that the thread lies flat but does not pucker the fabric.

Needle through loop at beginning of stitch.

6. Sew stitches in to a slight angle in the 'front' of your fabric, and then straight at the back about 3mm in size.  This will give you a hand sewn zig zag stitch which will allow your stitches to stretch with your fabric.  Don't worry if some of your stitches are bigger and others smaller - it'll even itself out when you put them on, but do try to keep them evenly spaced.

Top stitches should look something like this. 

The underside will look something like this.

7.  Continue doing this until you have about 4 inches of thread left on the needle. We are now going to finish of this particular section of stitches.  Push the needle through the fabric for the last stitch but do not pull the thread all the way through and leave an unfinished stitch (basically it looks like a loop).  Cut your thread from your needle end and separate those strands.

Thread cut and separated ready for one strand to go through the unfinished stitch.

One strand pulled through unfinished stitch.

 Pull one strand through the unfinished stitch and carefully finish the stitch by pulling on the cut strands (still having the one strand through that stitch that you are finishing). 

Stitch finished and strands ready to be tied off.
This should look very much like your first stitch.

  Tie both strands together to make a knot tight to the fabric.  Cut excess thread and repeat until you've finished the whole side.

8. Instructions for a sewing machine - use a stretch needle and zigzag stitch your raw edge.  If you know someone with a sewing machine, ask them to show you how.  If they own a sewing machine but don't know how to use it, tell them they should be ashamed their zombie apocalypse skills are so shockingly bad. 

9.  Turn them right side out.  Wear them, admire them,

stick them on a hedge...

Ball them up ready to wear under your soft shell!

What's your worst or best do it yourself? Doesn't have to be cycling made but did you bodge it or brag about it?

Jx

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*Seamstress wisdom right there.
** Sorry if this is a bit paint by numbers, it's just I HATE craft stuff that's all 'it's really cheap... just get your £300 sewing machine out and overlock the fucker.'

Sportive Training 101 - Lesson 3: How to callus your @rse... Or training rides.

In writing this I have to be honest.  Of this year (2016) I have done 2 training rides all year before both my main sportives.  I am finding myself in a Jeckl and Hyde mood when I think about this half because 2 training rides really isn't enough, and the other half is it's all I really could have properly managed this year.  As I've mentioned before I was ill this year, and with the advent of a massive new road (AWPR) tearing up my usual cycling routes I have been rightly reluctant to go out out my end of Aberdeen.  (it's pretty horrific at the moment - the usual roads I roll have either been cut off, the ones I can roll on no one would in their right mind.)  But hey, sometimes that is how the cookie crumbles and 2 is better than none.

The purpose of training rides are mostly to make sure you can sit in the saddle. Come 60mph wind, rain, crashes, go slows, and snow.  All of which happened to me in last year's Etape Caledonia.   If you can sit in the saddle with your legs always going one more pedal turn you can finish any distance barring mechanical faults or acts of God. And he knows he can be a funny bugger sometimes.  They also teach you how to read a road in terms of surface conditions and terrain, how to get to the top of a climb efficiently and your limits on cornering.  Whilst some of this can be gained on a cycle commute every day, knowing you can do three hours plus then a big climb does wonders for the nerves on your first sportive. So... what things should you consider when planing a training ride.  Well...

1.  How you are going to build up Miles and Time.   In the first year me and the girls built on distance by adding 5 or so miles to each training ride every weekend.  The longest mileage we did in that first year was 65 miles which was a perfect distance for me - about 7 hours including stops - as it was more than half the distance of the sportive  ('Every endurance event is done in halfs, get half way then start counting the second half backwards' - Thomas Willis my da'.) and meant that I knew that come act of god or serious mechanical failure, I could always get back on the bike and push the pedals one more time.  Now, there is a general consensus that you should train for how long you think your sportive is going to take, with the intensity of how much hard work you plan to hit it with.  So for example if I planned to do a 65 mile sportive in 4 hours in Zone 3 (about 170bpm* for me) then I would carve out time to train for a single four hour session once a week (or more) and building up the duration upon which I could spend time in zone three to four hours.  In saying this, in my first year there was no way I'd have finished the 81 mile sportive (given a mixture of fitness and bike skills) in about 4 hours averaging 170bpm.

2.  How to structure your training sessions in between your longer training rides.  To borrow from our Muscle bound brethren 'It's on your recovery that you make your gains.'    I find I work best on every second day regardless of what training I do so it's Monday off for me if I've been out on a training ride on Sunday anyway.  But be aware that DOMS  (delayed onset muscle soreness) is relieved by moving so you may want to keep up with your commute, or the habit of hitting the turbo trainer for 10 mins while your bath runs the next day.  And also, it does help a lot in getting used to that saddle just remember to take it easy or you'll get sick.

3.  Where are you going to go.  Hill training.   HILL TRAINING.  HILLLL TRAINNING!!!!!  Again it does wonders for the soul knowing that after 40 or so miles that you can hit a big hill and get up it. If your sportive has hilly terrain it's worth doing a search on google, checking your local cycling reddit thread and asking if there are any hills worth climbing.  Sportives are pretty popular now so there will be someone who will know your area well enough to say 'head out here there's a cracking hill there...'.

4.  What to eat.  There is so many things specifically for athletes, amateur or otherwise, and a lot of them are foul.  In the first couple of training rides, it's best just to stick to sweets and perhaps something starchy (crisps or biscuits) to help the digestion.  The body has, at any given time, about an hours worth of energy within the muscles, specifically for use in the muscles.  The body needs this in order to burn any extra body fat one is carrying as well as to move.  Once this runs out, or a rider fails to top this up, it's miseryvile so even if you are dieting, if you are going out for more than an hour take about 100 or so cals worth of food and drink for every hour that you are out.  Take what you fancy, perhaps consider decanting it to make it easy to open and adjust next time for what you found hard or easy.   One of my mates on her first year ate mostly chocolate bars and bananas and I drank cans of coke, as well as stopping for soup and cake at some point.   We probably over munched but it was tasty and no-one really bonked.  We did eventually get onto some of the specific gels and energy drinks but chances are as soon as you find something you like the taste of, they'll stop producing it.

5. Equipment and Clothing.  What to take? I would insist on your mobile,  a cheap bike computer and a puncture kit** but everything else is up to you.  Testing how to eat on the bike - little carry on's to store eats and drinks - it's best to get used to these now.   Weather apps are great, and knowing that below 10 degrees you'll need your thermal long sleeve and a tank top under the cycling soft jacket, or that at 15 degrees all you need is a tank top and the cycling jersey will help a lot in choosing what to wear on the day.  Same as knowing that the waterproof you have can be worn as a wind break but would be too uncomfortable if it's going to be over 20 degrees.   It's all about personal comfort.  For example my blokie insists on wearing board shorts on top of compression tights and a lumberjack shirt, but then that's what he's tried and tested and happy with.  I on the other hand like long sleeves, running leggings and have yet to find a pair of gloves I'm happy with.

There is a lot more I could go into on this.  Where to find routes for your area, what maps to use, what to take, what not to take, where not to go but that would lead to a behemoth of a blog post and the best thing to do is to keep it simple on the first couple of training rides.  Especially if you're keen to go it's best not to get fogged down in detail as that can take a lot of joy out of what is supposed to be a leisure activity.  Also, the better you get at training, the more efficient you become.  The first year we stopped every training ride for some lunch and a sit down, the second year we continued on regardless, now 2016, I go out about 4 hours max, concentrating on my bike handling skills - which as a dyspraxic - are pretty shocking.

The first two ridewithgps.com windows you see are a couple of training rides, the first in 2012, the second in 2014 (I think) and this last one is the time for my first sportive in 2012.

For the first in the series click here, for the second click here.

Jx

*For the interests of full disclosure my heart rate ranges from 60bpm resting, to 201bpm max - that's this year and I've been ill. Have I mentioned that?  I feel like I've mentioned that.  Last year max was 209 and before that max was 211 so getting old and all.

** You will never need this puncture kit until the day you leave it at home.

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Chr!st Almighty!

I am not enjoying myself.

I've broken two shifters and a lung (yes a lung) over trying to change my cranks.  So needless to say that the past month has not been fun.  At all.

No doubt I'll regale you all with the joys of changing your cranks over but right now it's too soon.
The lung thing might not be related but it certainly feels like it.  The result being I've had to miss two weeks out of the final 5 weeks before my first sportive of the year.

It's too soon still.

Jx

These feet weren't made for walking...

The Gids has a rather nasty cold virus and with him being a generous sort gave it to me.  So what do you do when you're feeling a bit fluey and icksome?  The general idea is to take it easy, and with things to do of a day I decided to leave the Brompton at home and get the bus about, with little stints of walking in between.  I mean OK, it could be the cold talking but yeh, I forgot to take public transport and walked everywhere.  All 17,000 steps of it.  My legs are sore, my feet are sore, I may have shin splints, it took a lot longer than anticipated and there was no sitting down involved.  Which I think is the thing I missed the most. 

*Sniffs and coughs pathetically*

Jx

Sportive Training 101 - Lesson 2 What to do when it's P!ssing outside.

***There are a lot of photos and vids so apologies if it takes ages to load***


The weather currently looks like this where I am:

It's looked like that for days.  Storm Frank has decided he identifies as female and is now Storm Gertrude or whatever the feck her name is.  And since you, probably like me had big intentions of getting (or improving) your base level of fitness but have found yourself sitting in the softest parts of your arse eating mince pies for most of the holiday season, you now vague sense of panic that you should have started weeks ago and if you don't start now you never will (both these things are true).

So what's a cyclist to do when you can wave at Noah floating past in his ark from your living room window?  I'm not one for urging someone to spend unnecessarily, but in times like these (especially if you don't have a gym membership) I would urge you to get a Turbo Trainer.  If you've got kids, work unsociable hours or plain just don't feel like getting completely lycra'd up it's the best investment for you and your cycling.

A quick search here shows a price range (for new) of £60 upwards, but keep in mind you don't need one whose resistance you can change with a dial to get great use out of it. A thorough look (ebay or gumtree) and ask about, you may even find someone willing to lend or give you their old one for much cheaper, though I'd have a gnawing urge on the back of my head of wanting to do something NOW! and order one from the webernet with next day delivery.  If like me you're finding January a squeeze, consider this from the GCN lot:

I much prefer having my bike attached to the equipment (the main difference between a turbo trainer and roller) as a touch of the breaks or a lack of balance would send me shooting through the air but then that is just me.  

So what's the best place to set up your turbo trainer?  What kind of training and how long and often should you be on it?  What other items do you need?

1.  Where you going to put it?

• You'll need somewhere you can look at something, a window, tv or a place to set your computer screen.  It's really good for the sanity when you're on the the thing.

• Air circulation - fresh air is best as you will sweat a lot so preferably near an open window or utilise a fan if you've got one.  

• A place where it can sit.  You need to be able to slot your bike in and just go otherwise dragging it out will be more trouble than you'll be bothered about.  If you've got a place where your bike can sit there all weekdays even better.  Most Turbo Trainers have quick release mechanisms which make getting your bike on and off a doddle.  If not double check that any other system means you don't have to do much (or preferably anything) to the bike in order to make it roadworthy.

Here's where I've put mine*:

In our spare bedroom.  I admit it's not ideal but there's enough space for me to see out the window (even when it's dark), rest my computer on the sill if I need to and get on the thing. I'd have it smack bang in the middle but we're trying to keep the bed there ready for guests.

2.  What else do you need?

• ***EDIT*** It has been pointed out to me that I've neglected to mention a heart rate monitor. You can get one as cheap (Karrimoor are a good solid budget brand) or as expensive (Garmin, Fitbit, Jawbone) as you can comfortably afford.  It will help establish your highest heart rate, your resting heart rate and all sorts of other things in between (VO2 max, rate optimum for fat burning, race rate etc).  Appologies for this late addition. 

• Towels, towels and more towels.  From the picture above you can see I've pinned a rather large hand towel to act as a sweat guard (you can buy these but I'm quite tight-fisted).  In addition to this you may want to put a towel, old blanket or yoga/stretch mat under the turbo trainer itself.  Save you sweating onto your floor and from any sort of wear from sitting your 11 stone self**  on it. You will also need one to mop your brow.  

• Something to prop up the front of the bike (you don't need this if you've got rollers).  Most turbo trainers have a matching front wheel block (that you need to buy separately boo hiss), but for years I've used gaffa taped catalogues, and right now my front wheel is on a plastic drill box - it has grooves in it that hold the front bike wheel more securely - like so:

• A wee bag to hang on it.  If the weathers bad or you want to set the bike up for a few days you'll keep any accoutrement's that you require in there - it's also a really good habit to just have your cycling stuff in a little tote and to put it there after outside rides, saves a lot of time looking for things.  So things like heart rate strap, the bike shoes you have or like to wear, a wee note book and pen to record what you've done, perhaps a plastic bottle so that you've always got one handy to fill when the mood takes you.  I keep socks and a set of leggings especially for here.  When I've done a session I hand wash these items and then drape them over the radiator (and occasionally the bike itself) to dry so next day I'm on this thing those items are another thing I don't need to go look for.

3.  How should you use it?

•  In the beginning short and sweet.  5 minutes just to get the feel of it and trust yourself you're not going to topple over and then build up over time.  Your bits will get sore - even if you're used to your saddle - because the bike does not change position and the terrain stays the same so the same bits of you get a far more concentrated squeeze.  

• I doubt I know anyone who does more than 45 minutes on the turbo trainer - so keep that in mind when allocating time to it, choosing what to watch or what to do whilst on it.  Also when you are training on it you'll get a more intense work out - there's no slowing down for traffic or corners, no having to watch the verge or have cars overtake so you can really focus in on what you're doing and can get far more 'done' than the same time spent on the road. 

4.  What kind of training should you do?

• Ultimately it's up to you, but most users (myself included) do HIIT training.  There's also quite a few free You Tube training sessions specifically for turbo training.  Again the GCN guys and girls are a great free resource, not just for Turbo training sessions but their info about cycling (not just training, but pro news, news news etc) is pretty good as well. 

• In saying that don't be constrained to using it to smash out a session after session, particularly if your time is short.  In my first year I found it most useful being able to jump on and off it during the week when I wasn't/couldn't go out for 3 hours of an evening cycling.  Waiting for my bath to fill - gave me 10 minutes, up sharply in the morning 5 minutes before my shower,  15 minutes before getting ready for a night out.  Having a quiet night in with pizza - 10 minutes while it cooked. Little stints  - you don't always have to go hard - will make a big difference especially when  you can't use your bike to get to the shops or commute to work.  10 minutes during the week day keeps your limbs warm for your longer ride on Saturday or Sunday.  10 minutes the day after your long ride will help recovery and flush the lactic acid out of your legs.  5 - 10 minutes a day is enough to shut the shouty little man at the back of your head up because that will give you 50 minutes during the week that you wouldn't otherwise have done.  I've sat on the thing whilst binge watching SPACED (20 minutes long without the ad breaks) - Jobs a good un'.

If you've gotten by without a turbo trainer in your life, comment below on what you'd recommend as good substitute exercise for cycling when it's raining.  For the first in this series click here.

Jx

*My turbo trainer is an Elite Cronos Magnetic trainer with a little dial that makes it tougher in stages.  Before this I had a the same make but with a fluid base and no dail.  Would recommend the brand if you can get it.  I have no complaints.  

**Same race weight as Chris Froome - he's not 5 foot 0 though. 

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Sportive Training 101 - Lesson 1 - Just WHY?

Having within a matter of weeks entered into both Etape Caledonia 2016 and just the other day Etape Loch Ness 2016 I am putting myself forward to discuss the ins and outs of sportive training as I understand it.  Having done this for ooooh since 2011 (REALLY?!?!?!? Christ!) I flatter myself in thinking I know a thing or two about cycling, training and a few other aspects of saddle wanking the New Kids on the Block may have missed or anyone else for that matter.  And often I have found myself getting it wrong -  but consider that I have got it wrong so's youse don't have too.

I don't pretend to understand the psychology of deciding to undertake an extreme physical challenge. It is an extreme physical challenge - don't kid yourself it's anything less.  Sixty odd miles on the bike might be on the lower end of the Sportive/Public participant cycle event, but you can't do it comfortably straight off the bat.  Most regular cyclists - those 5/10 mile a day commuters - would struggle to get to the end of it without sustaining some sort of bum damage at the very least, so to go from a swing round the park with the kids a couple of times in the summer to a training sportive participant is a big thing. It's the cycling equivalent of running a marathon.  But I often find that the decision to do so involves hiding your ego behind a virtuous aim.  For example there are easier, cheaper and far less extreme ways to increase your mental or physical health, more civilised ways of getting to know your peers, and easier less time consuming ways of raising money for charity.  But I do know none of these are accompanied by a vague sense of eternal glory standing at the finish line, holding your medal aloft, back lit and in soft focus, with your fellow participants weeping softly into their merino base layers* because they just can't manage your supreme level of cycling majesty.

...we all wish tho' don't we... admit it.

Be aware though, the decision to partake in your first sportive might not be the same answer to the question 'Why?'  In the first year you will ask yourself 'Why?' Allot. In many forms. 'Why am I going out for three hours training after a full days work?' Or the 'Why am I up this early on a Sunday?' and of course my particular favourites, 'Why does it feel like I have horns growing out of the underside of my groin.',  the befuddled  'Why won't this hill end?' and the angry 'WHY DOES THIS WIND HATE ME'.

Your seat will feel like this..

Sometimes the answer to these questions will be that vision of you standing at the end on the podium holding your medal aloft, other times sudocreme (but more likely lack there of).  But be aware there are times when that vision will allude you, when it won't seem worth it and you're just too damn tired  or gritty to feel the health benefits, so sod the knickerless donkeys, kids without wigs, teapotless old folk and eternal glory.  Just Why?  I'm not going to tell you why.  What I am going to do is ask you to keep going.  I'm going to say that if you can complain about it you can still push your foot down.  You can still pedal. Hell, if you need to - and since this is your first year - get off that bike and walk**. Because at the end of your first sportive when you cross that finish line, when you feel like you've welded yourself to that bike, where your hands are cramped and your feet are ice, and the rest of you is just plain cold and crusty, a fresh faced army cadet will tentatively approach with a medal in their hands and you will snatch that medal and you will feel like that vision on the podium, back lit, in soft focus, only  perhaps weeping softly to yourself over your own cycling majesty.

Behold! My Own Cycling Majesty!!!

Jx

* Ahh merino - you will come to understand

** Only in your first year mind.

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Things cycling has taught me No.1 ....

....I like sitting down.   Sitting down is ace, and less work than standing.  I generally don't like to stand, and if I am I much prefer to lean onto something but I digress.

Sitting down is far more elegant and civilised, so why wouldn't one want to travel sitting down.  And as far as I can see there are two instances where sitting down would not be favourable.  One, where the mechanism for sitting down is disrepair, (e.g. saddle sores) or two, when ones view is restricted by the act of sitting down.  Pedaling whilst sitting down is an inconvienence I admit, but sitting down with the wind through your hair and the world whizzing by is well worth it.  It's one of the reasons why I like cycling so much.  The sitting down is marvelous.  And who doesn't want a seat?

A toast to the cosiness...just perhaps don't take the bike.

It's dark.  The rain is falling from the sky like a suicide from a high rise.  I may or may not have had more than my fair share of a cloudy amber substance served in half litre glasses (by my calculation I've had about 8).  And I've nearly lost a shoe, which if left to the Gids would have been a casualty of war if I had not decided to salmon across a wide 8 lane Munchen junction, screetching 'LEAVE NO MAN BEHIND.'*  The way to our hotel, basically a mile long straight line from Theresienwiese (the Oktoberfest park) to Brudermuhlstrabe, is incomprehensible to us and we seem to be locked in a labyrinth of modern shops and ornate Italian style architecture.  Every ten seconds I have to stop, and check the mighty Google.  Every twelve seconds, I hear the awkward clang and thud of a slow fall of shame, and I turn to see the 6 ft 5' Gids and his bike lying prone on the ground hands still clutching the handlebars wondering how I got so tall.  His head is still up right, his eyes locked on mine and his feet still on the pedals.  The dulcet tones of chiseled well meaning Germans fill the air: 'You should walk' they say, 'the police will have issue' they say.  'Nahh, I'm fine...' he says, '...as long as we're still moving' he says.  We stop at a corner, my bike is slowly scrapping down my own legs and I'm suddenly not strong enough to hold it up.   Why is this happening??!  Both my feet are planted firmly on the ground, I am standing, and I haven't fallen once!  I turn round. My boyfriend is still by all accounts on his bike, but he's rammed it right into the back of mine and doesn't seem to realise this has stopped him and his position is going achingly slow from vertical to horizontal, dragging my bike down with him.  Indeed he 'winks and smiles' in a cheery manner at me with a joi de vive of someone living his best if slightly intoxicated life, to the sound of metal bike spokes twanging.  For myself, I don't realise I'm intoxicated until the thoughts, 'If I tie up one of the bikes, I'm sure I can drag him by the ankles home'.

NOMMMMM!

Needless to say we're lucky we're both alive, not in the jail, or in therapy. And Munich is an excellent place to visit and cycle.  Just don't go to the Oktoberfest at noon, before lunch, intend to have a quick beer before absconding round to see the sights, but in fact, stay in a cosy little corner sandwiched between other friendly welcoming German couples all laderhosen and drindl, toasting you every 5 minutes for the next 8 hours.

The bike I was riding:

An Electra Townie low rider with a killingly wide seat and fat tyres.Turning a corner was like trying to stuff a half inflated mattress into a bag for life.

We'd got them from Mikes Bike Hire, having the previous day done Mikes Bike Tour round Munich - lead by cheery American Bobby (not Robert), whom for the rest of the holiday caused my boyfriend to shake his head mournfully and murmur 'a degree in Entreprenualship'.

The city itself is like visiting an elegant old aunt - there's no rush in her company as there's a twinkle in her eye and a talent for comfortable hospitality.  The area where we stayed was equally lovely.  Two stops to Marienplatz on the underground and less than ten minutes on the bike.  There was plenty of bakeries for a coffee and a thickly buttered pretzel in the morning, with local pubs and restaurants for dinner at night. Riding by the River Isar we'd be led to The English Garden where local surfers would ride the man made rapids piped into the parks streams, and on hot days the students would dip fully clothed in those streams to be swept along to shallower shores.

Lets hear it for the girls!**

We were there the first weekend of Oktoberfest. Which is the last weekend in September and we appeared to catch the last couple of weeks of the summer (if you're going during June-October time make sure you get a hotel room with an air conditioner, not worth going otherwise) so blistering sunshine with the exception of that night.  Though if you want a concise list of things to do and know here it is now:

• Do Mikes Bike Tours and hire yourself a bike.  Even if you're not normally a biker it is perfectly safe and easy to cycle, they have designated bike lanes in their busiest of street and you will miss odd little sights going from Underground to Underground (not that that's a knock against their public transport, it is of course, better than ours.)
• They don't do half pints.  A small is a half litre and a large is a stein.
• If you're veggie expect cream and a dumpling on everything. 
• Respect the Oktoberfest.  The area it's held in is surrounded by residential flats so leave quietly, don't park your bike on their garden railings, and for pity's sake know your limits.  If you 'think' you're going to be alright, you're probably not.  Leave the bike behind and use public transport.  The bikes' will be perfectly alright provided they're locked up properly and you can always wander back in the morning.

Just say no, kids.  Just say No!

Do you have any tips for cycling in Munich?  Where would you guys recommend as a good holiday destination?  Leave your cycling holiday tips below!

Wishing you a safer but just as brilliant holiday.

Prosit!

Jx

*Which is better than 'Don't Mention the War'.

** Sharing that board she's on with what I assumed may have been her mother (or sister), that little girl didn't always jump far enough forward to catch that permanent wave, but when she did she kicked the arse of most of the blokes out there.   

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Dinae Cast yer Cloot...

ava' this year.

The weather in Scotland is like living next to a wild but well meaning neighbour.  Occasionally they're good fun and they mean you no real harm, but there are times where you need to hide in the house and ignore the banging at the door, on the window, or shouting down the chimney.   And considering this is now September and officially Autumn', there has been a lot of banging at the door and shouting down the chimney. None the less I find myself in a typical British quandary over what to wear.  Despite it being very mild in temperature up here, no-one in their right mind would go out without a coat, or some form of outerwear.  If you cycle, this of course means that it's both too warm to wear a coat, but not dry enough to leave without one which leads me onto the first point of this post. What to wear.

The second one is I read an article last year in a broad sheet Sunday news paper that listed 10 essential items for commuting on the bike.  Not only was there a whole bunch of electronics listed but there was also a crap load of technical gear - and besides the bike, nothing there was essential.  Don't get me wrong.  There are longer commutes, I know folk that regularly do 15 - 20 miles out and then the same back, and yes, I doubt anyone could do that comfortably in jeans.  Those kind of folks are usually hard core gnarled saddle wankers who don't know that heals were originally worn by men for stirrups, and have long forgotten how to wear underwear.  But for the not so serious, for folk like myself, who neither want to wait or pay for a bus to take us 15 minutes down the road, and generally too lazy to walk the mile to the post office...  What do we need to consider, and what do we actually need?

Now you're ready!

1.  A Mac. Rain, whilst not the worst thing on the bike, can be uncomfortable,  A damp set of jeans or trousers can be chaffing. Wearing a mac won't stop you getting wet in random places but it will negate sticky dampness in the most particular of places. 

Bring the Rain!

 I think this one was £20 out of Millets (or somewhere like that) two years ago, and is technically a Jack in a Pack.  I lost my previous one on a bus to T in the Park and we ended up getting this one at New Year whilst in Edinburgh.  A word of warning -  make sure you are buying ones that say 'waterproof.'  There are a lot of cheaper nylon weave versions that aren't waterproof that look like they should be but aren't.  They even come with hoods though what for I'm not sure.... *shakes head disparagingly*.

 2. Gloves.

*Jazz Hands to Self*

 Being cold on the bike is far worse I find.  Numb chilled hands are dangerous, they can over compensate on the breaks, over or under click on gears and just be plain painful.  The rain with just a slight wind can chill your hands, on a cool summers evenings your hands can be surprisingly painful.  And yes, the weather proof ones are nice, but if you don't want or have the £30 quid to spend - or like me you're always loosing them - plain woolly ones are fine.  You can double them up if  you buy a couple of pairs for when it's particularly chilly,  they're light enough to make you comfortable during the cooler summer evenings, they're easily replaceable, and if you get into habit of having them with you at all times, you'll be the envy of all at Scone Rewind when it starts hail stoning in July.   Mine are from Primark, I buy about 6 packs of two for a pound when they show up in the shops.  I put them everywhere.

3. Scarfs are particularly handy.

I'm invisible, but naked, except for the scarf.

Do not use a woolly scarf. The scarf has to be thin enough to wear under your helmet and wrap around your neck without being constrictive to head movement, and to fold down into nothing, but also long enough to be useful.  I'd think you'd be stretching the usefulness of a buff so I wouldn't recommend those.   Even if you're a bloke, consider venturing into the ladies accessories bit of any of the bigger department stores and asking if they've got any large light wraps or jersey material scarves in plain colours (or bright ones if that's what you like). The kind of material  you want is the same kind that t-shirts are made of.  And there's absolutely nothing wrong cutting across an old t-shirt just under arms.  This would make an infinity scarf.  These are scarves sewed into an '8' shape, and very easy to wear loose on the neck but at the same time can be wrapped tight leaving no ends that bunch up uncomfortably, or dangle precariously at wheels or pedals.   It'll keep your ears, neck, and chest warm.  It will go aways to keeping you dry if you're out without your mac or it's not practical to put a hood up.  It will wipe the rain off your seat,  the sweat off your face, and keep you warm if you find yourself cold when you've got to your destination.  Hell you can even tie it round your neck and pretend your flying on your bike if you like!    The one pictured I made myself.  It's an infinity scarf.  I sewed it up using some very thin jersey material I found in John Lewis on sale.

What do you wear whilst on the short commute?  When do you not get all lycra'd up?  I myself refuse to put the lycra on for anything under 10 mile return... what's your magic number of miles? Let me know in the comments!

Jx

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Le Tour!!!!

Why I have really enjoyed Le Tour De France this year.


In no particular order (at least not consciously) :-

1. Tony Martin - watching him time trial the third stage after being milliseconds behind the course leader.

2. Tony Martin again - watching him do a slow awkward and painful fall of shame in the fourth stage, break his collarbone, finish the race, congratulate his team mate, do interviews about the crash, raise a glass to his team in general then go to hospital to get checked out. SERIOUSLY?!?!  Show me a footballer that would do that.

3. Peter Sagan - Always the bridesmaid never the bride, but still putting on a show - going for it in the breakaway and giving his best stab at climbing - and watching him fly like green swift down the descents!! If I had testicles, they'd be up in my abdomen. His finishing time and time again in second place yet still turning up for his interviews like he's having the best time of his life (which he probably is) is just... wow.

4.  Nairo Quintana - Here's to the short arses!  Making it difficult for Froome every step of the way and not doing things by halves.  Watching him sling shot on stage 18 (I think?) then power his way up the Alps just to get second place.

5.  Froome - I'm warming to him.  I'm more inclined to see him as a genetic freak with overly large lungs that a doper, and even with all that aside I did like to see him break a sweat over Nairo getting to the top before him (I know it's not a simple than that -  but some time it is).

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/JkTQTIo0_4c" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Jx

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Running Vs Cycling

Myself and a friend have signed up for 5K on the Major Series in Stirling a week on Saturday.  Now I am definitely not a natural runner.  I went out with the Gids last night and my flat out run (or shince to be more accurate) was a swift stroll for him, and for the first time ever - despite previous forays into running - I have shin splints.  These difficulties are not the biggest difference from running to cycling.

Pavement Slappers

The biggest thing is the lack of camaraderie. In cycling, if you see a cyclist coming the other way on the road or the path you nod acknowledgement, a civilised hello from one self propelled traveller to another and a spot of human contract.  The same if there two cyclists passed each other on a hill - there would be a few words of encouragement to the slower, or a share in commiserations  If someone happens to be standing on a corner, or at the side of the road, off their bike there is a general given you'd ask  'You ok mate?' and check out their tires or their chain - do they have a puncture or have they bonked. Now whilst certainly you'd do this on a country road - Aberdeen has the happy situation of having a high road cycling population - five minutes can still be a long time if you're stuck in the middle of no-where a mile or so from any kind of civilisation, and even if you're stuck in the middle of busy Union Street, if there was a cyclist with a flat tyre I'd like to think most other cyclists with a puncture kit would offer to help.

Not so with running.  Yesterday whilst doing my massive 2.7miles I tried a couple of nods to a few fellow pavement pounders (sounds rude) and the most I got back was an odd look from the corner of their eyes. To be fair, about a third of these folk were in their own personal hell and had my sympathies, but there was a riding in the lift-esk 'Pretend there's no one else here.'  I mentioned this to the Gids who was power walking along side me and he agreed.  Then I began to notice other things as well.  Couples running with one or both listening on their phones/music devices. Several different runners channelling their spirit animal 'The Whippet' passed us going one way, would look down at the ground when we nodded hello on the way back.

Do you think those two are ignoring each other?

Was it just us?  I have to admit we did look a bit odd, my foot slapping bounce and him in the sweaty mince of someone caught short of a loo.  But I then we don't look any less strange out on the bikes, him with his German commanders helmet and me with all the gear and only a vague idea.

Why is this?  Was this just our experience?   Is it different during an event?

Which sports do you do where the camaraderie is different to cycling?  Is the bon-homme experienced in cycling singular to cycling?

Jx

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