Much much cheapness....

Yoda of cheapness I am.

This year I'm trying to live more simply and as such that requires a certain spend-thrift-ness on a few choice items, mostly the stuff that if - for cycling - I haven't needed it by now it's probably not worth spending money on.  Regardless of this attitude I do find my little handy going out when I'm in my local bike shop or perusing the internet and one thing I've always fancied (but have managed to do without) is arm warmers.  I previously had a cracking thick nylon cycling jacket (endura) which was brilliant.  I could wear nothing but a vest top underneath on a sunny day and not find myself too warm, but at the same time wear just the one long sleeve top on -1 deg and not get a chill.  This jacket was thermal enough and water resistant enough to go snowboarding, but breathable enough so as not to over cook myself in 30 degree sunshine.  I miss that jacket.  It is sadly a little too worn now, it's gone a bit crusty and the back pockets being made of the same water resistant fabric as the rest of the jacket collect water in the rain so it's no longer practical to wear.

As a result I'm making do with a couple of jackets I got a couple of years ago that I got in a sale.  MD made them and they're fine.  They soft nylon, and at about £15 each they're neither water resistant nor wind resistant, but they do alright with a waterproof over them, and layering under them.  The difficulty I have with them is that they're too warm to wear a full thermal top underneath, and with them not being wind resistant coming down in long descents gets very chilly, at the same time if I wear a waterproof specifically for wind resistance I get a bit sweaty.  So what's a girl to do....?

Well the answer here is to get me some arm warmers.  But without spending any money.  How does one do that? One gets CREATIVE!!!!!!

How to make your own arm warmers - It's dead easy:

1.  Get your running tights, old padded lycra long johns, very cheap leggings from Primark, turn them inside out and lay them flat and look at the seams that run down the legs.  On one side it will look like the fabric weave runs along with the seam, and on the other side of the seam the fabric weave is going into the seam in a 'v' shape.  Since no cyclist has arms thicker than their legs you want to keep the side where the weave runs along the seam intact.

Weave runs horizontal to seam

Weave going into the seam in a 'v'.

2.  Cut to your desired length straight across the leg.  Cut from the top (thigh end) not the bottom because the bottom will be a rather comfortable cuff edge on your wrist and will save any more faffing about.  You can use scissors but because I'm a swanky pants I'm using a rotary cutter.

Leg cut at thigh end.

3. Cut to your desired thickness by folding your cuff edge as far up on the piece itself to as how thick it is on the thigh and cutting to the fold.

Where I have the ruler at the top edge is where I want to cut this across.
If you have chunkier arms than mine you may want to go further up the leg. 

I have to admit here that I never actually measured the top of my bicep and just cut straight across.  For your reference I'm a thick limbed 5ft woman the same weight as Chris Froome (possibly a wee bit heavier since he's away doing the Daphine at the mo'.)  It's tight on me but doesn't cut off the circulation.

You can see where the seam starts for what is now the unfinished arm warmer.

4.  Double thread a needle - the doubled over thread length on the needle should not be longer than your fore arm, any longer and it will tangle* -  and tie a knot in the end.

Thread threaded on needle and doubled over with knot at the end
(you can just see it.)

Cut off the excess from the non needle side of the knot**.

Knot with excess cut close.

Start to sew by pushing the needle through both layers of fabric to make roughly 3mm size stitch, but do not pull thread all the way through.   Push needle through the thread on the side of the stitch with the knot on it.  Pull taught enough so that the thread lies flat but does not pucker the fabric.

Needle through loop at beginning of stitch.

6. Sew stitches in to a slight angle in the 'front' of your fabric, and then straight at the back about 3mm in size.  This will give you a hand sewn zig zag stitch which will allow your stitches to stretch with your fabric.  Don't worry if some of your stitches are bigger and others smaller - it'll even itself out when you put them on, but do try to keep them evenly spaced.

Top stitches should look something like this. 

The underside will look something like this.

7.  Continue doing this until you have about 4 inches of thread left on the needle. We are now going to finish of this particular section of stitches.  Push the needle through the fabric for the last stitch but do not pull the thread all the way through and leave an unfinished stitch (basically it looks like a loop).  Cut your thread from your needle end and separate those strands.

Thread cut and separated ready for one strand to go through the unfinished stitch.

One strand pulled through unfinished stitch.

 Pull one strand through the unfinished stitch and carefully finish the stitch by pulling on the cut strands (still having the one strand through that stitch that you are finishing). 

Stitch finished and strands ready to be tied off.
This should look very much like your first stitch.

  Tie both strands together to make a knot tight to the fabric.  Cut excess thread and repeat until you've finished the whole side.

8. Instructions for a sewing machine - use a stretch needle and zigzag stitch your raw edge.  If you know someone with a sewing machine, ask them to show you how.  If they own a sewing machine but don't know how to use it, tell them they should be ashamed their zombie apocalypse skills are so shockingly bad. 

9.  Turn them right side out.  Wear them, admire them,

stick them on a hedge...

Ball them up ready to wear under your soft shell!

What's your worst or best do it yourself? Doesn't have to be cycling made but did you bodge it or brag about it?

Jx

Don't forget to subscribe at the button, or you can also join me on Join me on bloglovin', Twitter, and Pinterest (though to be honest I don't Pinterest too much, or at all).  Care to leave a comment or a post suggestion?  All comments will be answered.

*Seamstress wisdom right there.
** Sorry if this is a bit paint by numbers, it's just I HATE craft stuff that's all 'it's really cheap... just get your £300 sewing machine out and overlock the fucker.'

I've been at it again...

...yes I've been at it again.  I have a dirty dirty habit of taking pictures of other peoples bikes.  This one's something of comfort over fashion, because let's face it style is always comfortable.

I mustache your handlebars a question....

... what comfort has won over your sense of fashion? An extra wide seat on your Carbon Venge*?  Sports socks over your clipless pedal shoes?  Asda bag over your aerodynamic bike hat?

Jx

Remember if you like this you can join me on bloglovin', Twitter, and Pinterest!  Anything to add?  Is there something else you'd like to see? Feel free - all comments will be answered. 

*Funny story: when I first started getting into cycling, there was a story in Cycling Weekly about Mark Cavendish, and it was full of sayings like 'Since getting The Venge, I've been more focused... it's been a point of which I've been channeling my energies through...'  I thought it was an illness.

I scowl superiorly from my corner....

I'm kind of judgemental, but I'm also very cowardly, so the chances of me being judged as judgemental are very slim since I hardly ever say anything that I'm judging people for.   Don't get me wrong, I am heartily aware that people judge me too but probably no where near half as much as I think they do, but they do.  And then they think about cake, or crossing the road, or how chickens are just little dinosaurs.  None the less, I am aware that I am judgemental, not particularly negatively judgemental I don't think, but I do and try to curb my judgementalness but sometimes find it difficult. I could of course spend more time curbing my cowardliness but that would just make me shouty.  

Rather pertinent to this blog I judge other cyclists a lot.  I look at them and judge if they're wearing appropriate attire for the climate for the day, if I can tell from how they ride if they're drivers or not (hint: if I see you do a roundabout I think yes, you drive a car).  Generally my judgeyness is not necessarily negative, but being pure of thought is not something people will say about me.  I know this, so I try to not be so negative, but there are some instances where it is difficult. For example:

Now, it's not the electric bike thing that gets me. A cyclist is a cyclist is a cyclist, batteries or no (and I was in the car when I took this.)   It's not the ear phones, which usually get me (but then I think what about all the deaf cyclists).  Or the lack of bike hat (straight up Darwinism).  It's the hand in the back pocket.  

I mean really??!?!  Would you!?!?!?!  On a busy Saturday afternoon on one of the busiest streets in the town?!  Would you?!?  In the bus lane, with half a dozen light stops, pedestrians, potholes and the rest?!  One handed?!  Fer Fecks Sake!!! Where's the sense in this world?!?!

Have you seen anything on the road worthy of ridicule?  Would it be worthy of ridicule by others? What do you see that you would never do?  Let's let it all off our chest now!

Jx

Like and want more of this? Don't forget to subscribe to an e-mail blast, or join me on bloglovin', Twitter, and Pinterest!  Anything to add?  Is there something else you'd like to see? Feel free - all comments will be answered. 

Dinna' Cast Yer Clout' Just Yet!

My mate Tricia mentioned that this year would be her year of resurrecting her commute to work. Considering that clear cold nights are making for heavily frosted mornings I asked her if she wasn't worried about the ice in the earlier hours of the day? But then the belt and braces kind of gal my pal is goes and mentions she's already got those having being told by The Dutchy (her blokie) that if the Russians can cycle in the winter so can she. and needs to fit them on her own town style pootler.  OOooo, says me, gees a shot?!  And she does.

Now, the third thing on my list things I hate about cycling, besides the wind (number one) and mountain biking (number two) is Ice.  Snow itself isn't too bad to cycle in, but ice - the kind you can see or no - is a nasty little fecker that wants to whip the table cloth off your formal cream tea of life just so it can laugh as scones go flying.

Greasy, black icy horrible cobbles!

It is with this in mind I have often wondered if studdED tyres would be useful.  My pootling bike at the moment is the Brompton, and Brompton being purveyors of very fine and high end bikes, are also purveyors of very fine prices I mean seriously £30 for one (1) tyre?  The expense isn't something I can justify right now, at least not to 'just see' if I like them or not. Further to this I have often assumed they'd be a faff, besides the fitting could I have left them on all year or would I have to change them back on wet or warm mornings so this all in all was the perfect opportunity to find out. 

By happenstance Tricias' house is one of the coldest streets in Aberdeen,  indeed, at 10 am on a fine crisp morning there was still a great deal of sheet ice and snow when everywhere else has come over slushily patchy.  Our arrangement was that I'd come round for a shot to give her the incentive of fitting the tyres, which after we'd switched to teaspoons instead of a lone flat head screw driver, was a doddle.

Tricias' replacement horse

Her Burgundy Ridgeback Town Bike sits' you up so high you feel a mixture of Pope-like in his Pope mobile and vertigo.  The large seat and wide tyre base is definitely more for comfort and safety than speed (not that I go very fast on any of my bikes) and it does take a wee while to get over yourself parading like the Queen to pedestrians who think you 'a mental'.  By the time we'd had our coffees, got the tyres on, and I'd stopped waving at folk there was still spots of ice and snow on the road.  Pen face at the ready, I got down to some serious 'in the interests of blogging' trialing.

The White Stuffs the Ice and snow*

Things I learnt about Studded Tyres:

1.  It's spelled StuddED, not StuddIED.

2. They can go on both tarmac and icy roads - in fact, they need to be 'worn in' for 40km before their optimum grip on the roads can be reached. So say the icy roads have put a damper on your commute, this year, if you get them in August/September, they'll be good to go by mid October!

3.  They have the same wear as normal tyres so you could infact leave them on all year round. 

4. They do make a noise on normal tarmac.  I didn't find it too distressing but then Trish's bike is so high I might not have been close enough to appreciate the sound in it's full annoying glory.

5.  They do work.  And you can feel it.  On snow you can feel the tyre slide then suddenly grip faster than you are used to.  Now, I've cycled where the snow has lain so thick, it's shaved off by mudguards as the tyres have gone round, I've cycled on ice where tyre wheels have stopped turning and I've only got the camber of the road and my own procarious ballance holding me up, I've felt my back wheel go from under me round a secluded corner and had to do the counter-intuitive thing of going faster - and squealled when doing it.  So I know when my wheels have gone from under me, to somewhere else, but what was interesting is that I felt the wheels slip and then latch on.  It's quite odd and not what I expected.  It's different from normal tyre grip - that's something you don't really notice until you don't have it any more - because you feel like you're going to fall but you don't.

Having had a shot, I would now consider investing in studded tyres.  I think, however, if I was doing a spectacuarly wintery sportive/race I'd feel better off with some knobbly treaded ones, but for the day to day commute they'd be perfect.

Have you tried studded tyres, and how did you get on?  Do you prefer knobbly tires?  Are they an investment you plan to make, and what other items do you plan to add to your winter to spring commute?

Jx

*To protect privacy I blacked out a lot of the street detail, I may have got a bit splash happy.

Like and want more of this? Don't forget to subscribe to an e-mail blast, or join me on bloglovin', Twitter, and Pinterest!  Anything to add?  Feel free - all comments will be answered. 

More Creepy Pictures of Other People's Bikes

Yeh, yeh, I know... I'm not really doing well to hide my geekage but I couldn't help myself.  This vintage lovely was parked out in the damp cold, cheerfully racing green with it's little red/burgundy mud-guards, and pristine white bar tape.

I particularly love the old fashioned dynamo lamp (when it's this senior it's not a light it's a lamp)....

and the new bell with the bright red/orange toggle - it just screams 'In Emergency Only'.

Jx

Chilly Willy!

One of the joys of living in Scotland is that there is weather. Proper weather.  The kind of weather that does something, demands to be noticed and given it's due respect regardless of the season.  This can be anything from gale force winds in spring, hailstones in the summer, trampoline blowing storms in the Autumn, and minusy looking temperatures in the winter.

A singular joy of living in Aberdeen is that generally, if it's raining in the rest of Scotland, guaranteed Aberdeen will be having it's driest week ever.  Same as we could be having to moor the house to the land due to torrential rain whilst everyone else is being sung to by the sun.

In this particular instance we're being frozen out whilst the rest of the country is thawing.

And you have to agree, sheet ice is difficult to cycle on.  The proof is here:

I am perhaps a little more resigned to the lack of gritting in Aberdeen than others.  In Glasgow, the gritters were usually out before the temperature dropped, and it is certainly anti-intuitive to grit the busiest roads but not their cycle paths.  

It's pretty much an ice rink in my street, so I've been hitting the turbo trainer.  A strange phenomena is occurring though.  Usually I hate HIIT training - which is generally wanky sports person talk for going really hard and then slowing down for what doesn't seem long enough before going hell for leather again (it's supposed to be good for you) - but recently the reps for my sessions have been going past pretty quickly.  I do 1 minute on it, 30 secs rest for 13 reps but I seem to be eating them up at the mo'.  My garmin's been out of cync (truth: I've been lazy in making sure it's charged and it keeps shutting down on me) so I can't say exactly what's going on.  It could be that I'm not working hard enough, though I am concentrating on getting my pedal cadence up, and I've always got a burn in my legs when I'm on my minute.  

What's the weather like in your neck of the woods?  How have you been coping?  If you're training/keeping fit, is there anything that's surprised you?

Don't forget you can join me on bloglovin', Twitter, and Pinterest, if you so wish.  And if I don't see you through the window, I'll see you out cycling! *

Jx

*I agree this is awfully naff.

How to Cycle in Heels...

...and not break your neck.

Now,  it has been known for some time that I haven't exactly done more than a pootle on the Brompton recently, and in this there has been a conflict in reasoning in that I've wanted to look more stylish but rather not wanting to break my neck. Stylish is one of my favourite women to look at Lucy Liu, perticuarly as Dr Watson in Elementary.  She quite simply wears the most gorgeous stuff in that show, all low waisted tunics, tights and clumpy high heeled boots.  She looks elegant, and slender and she inspires oddly creepy feelings that I only have about Cheryl Baker - who incidently is not only a pop princess but also a philosphy for life: Cake or a scone? Left or right? Another drink? Just ask yourself WWCBD*?  She'd do them all!

So, after asking myself that very thing, I purchased these:

Which are both high and clumpy and something Dr Joan Watson would wear.  They area alot more comfy than they look - I managed to wear them all day on Thursday without feeling that awful pressure on the balls on my feet - and after much deliberation I set out on the Brompton. 

POINT 1. - You don't need your seat as high as you think you do.  

I had to fiddle with the seat.  Alot.  First of all I had the seat so far up my arse it was pulling faces at my  belly button.  Then after lowering it my knees thought we'd joined the ministry of silly cycling and protested in earnest.  After that it was every forty yards out of a mile of  Not Quite Rightness.  But eventually I found my optimum seat hight and got underway.  It was actually only a couple of inches higher than normal, which considering these are 5 inch heels isn't as much as I thought. 

POINT 2. - Wear close fitting shoes.

I have mostly come a cropper when my feet slip inside my shoes and I end up getting a cross bar in the crotch.  This always and without fail has happened when the lights have gone green, there are people everywhere, and I have the quintessential Angry Middle aged in either a giant 4x4 or his (and occasionally her) natty little roadster that they bought for showing off.  Give your feet a wiggle in your shoes, and test the boundaries of movement.  All shoes expand and stretch as they are 'worn in'  and it's best to be careful.  Trust me, this is one of those times (or one of many of those times) where I've made an arse of myself so you don't have to. 

POINT 3. - Find your optimum foot position.

I felt mostly fine in this position:

But then wanted to go up hills in this position:

Note that the pedal is tucked into the arch area, and considering that high heels were originally worn by horse riders when they horse rode (is that the right phrase?), so that the stirrups would sit nicely on the foot and not slip off it shouldn't be a surprise that this is comfortable.  But be aware, that did this to my heels:

Now, I'm not going to let that stop me, these were only £20 from of the T'interweb so it's not a big deal on these shoes.  However,  have a pair of black suede Carvela heels I shan't be wearing when I cycle because of this.  

POINT 4. - Take it easy, do a trial and error if you're unsure.

I went round the glorious Seaton park to see how I got on first.  I didn't want the rush of traffic, or a particularly large audience if I ended up kissing the tarmac or breaking an ankle.  I also threw my foot around my pedal, wiggled it and tested the grip of the shoe.  Obviously you don't have to do any of this if you're comfortable.  If not, a quick run up and down the roads of your neighbourhood - practising mounting and dismounting (not in the carnal sense obviously) - wouldn't be a bad thing if you felt the need.  

It was easier than I thought it would be.  I had envisioned broken foot tendons and apocalyptic carnage but at worst I got a chunk taken out of the side of one heel.  I think you certainly have to be aware of how you put your foot down,  taking time to make sure it is planted firmly on the ground but my ability to do that isn't really down to the type of shoe I wear.  

Have you thought there's anything you can't wear when cycling?  What is it and why have you not worn it particularly.  

If you've enjoyed this feel free to join me on bloglovin', Twitter, and Pinterest for posts and anything else that tickles me in these realms (I'd use the word 'Platforms' but it makes me sick, like 'incentivise', and 'touching base' which sounds creepy).

Jx

*WWCBD - What Would Cheryl Baker Do

Is it creepy to take pictures of other peoples bikes?

I know I felt creepy doing it.

None the less here it is...

I do like the mixture of the cycle-hacked shopping basket on the front and the old leather saddle.  It's what caught my eye.  And you'll be pleased to know I didn't touch the bike, was just 'looking'.

The paint had worn slightly which I do like the look of more than shiney shiney new bikes.  It's like their wearing their travels on their paintwork which is a charm. 

And I definitely think this old town-esq bike had been about a bit.  

It really does make me feel bad for Luella - remember her? My old cheap as chips purple roadster.  I really must get that out of the coal shed and spruced up properly.  

Jx

I'm not sure... But I think the sunshine is making people in Aberdeen Mad.

So... I'm meeting the Gids and a mate for dinner in town, and naturally I whip out The Brompton.  My route is pretty straight forward, up though the bottom half of Old Town, round the back of the Uni down the back of the top end of George Street, round the side of the posh school and I'm more or less there.

When I get to the back of the Uni, a man in a company van (I know the company so if it happens again, you can guess what I'll be doing) drives up along side of me (on a two lane road, with islands) and shouts and swears at me because I moved out of the cycle lane, which ended, and into the normal road area.  Then, on the same road, I signal to turn right, and a woman in a volvo takes that moment to try to take me over, to be fair when we make eye contact she moves back again.  Then when I'm cutting through the back of George Street, a man who makes a wide turn, stops and tries to tell me it's a one way road.  It's not.  I have to point out there are no No Entry signs from where I was coming from, nor is there any 'One Way' blue signs from where he came. The 20 mph limit paint work is even marked both sides of the road. Whilst he didn't like being told he was wrong, I wasn't swore at either, so I'll take that as a friendly exchange.

Now, cycling in Aberdeen has got better.  This week, when my ankle went and I slipped of my pedal and the guy driving the car behind me (even though he had a face like fizz) waited until I got myself and my bike on the pavement, but there was no shouting or anything.  I've been stood at the edge of the road whilst out on a training ride and had folks nice enough to stop and ask me if everything is OK?  Is my tyre flat? Am I lost?  The answer to that last one is usually 'Yes' but in the fun way, not 'In the desert' kind of way.  More people than ever that used to drive cars are on their bikes, so more people are happier to give you more room, wait for adequate space to take you over, and know where and what a bike lane is.  It's just... It has to be the weather.  The long days... are  reverse werewolf's the folks here.  Instead of ravenous animalistic behaviour at night, they'd rather passively aggressively, or some times just down aggressively have a go at an easy target.  It doesn't figure.

Is there any particular time of year or weather that you find drives people nuts?  I think it might just be Aberdeen that does this but it'd be nice to know geogeraphically if this weather type phenomena happens anywhere else.

Garry Garmin Chest Strap...

...where art thou?

The last time I remember having it was going for a run about a week ago, where I went over my ankle and was laughed at by a fishing bloke, a fisherer, fishist, bloke gone fishing.  No major damage as I was able to walk it off, but my chest strap seems to have taken the huff and absconded.  None the less did a 40 minute turbo session yesterday (I'll upload on twitter in case you're interested).

What else... Tour de France starts on Saturday!!! Woop Woop!  I can't remember if everyone's favourite short arse will be there or not.

So... what are you looking forward to in the Tour?  And what's your most embarrassing moment whilst doing 'sports'?

Jx

There are several differences between Cycling and Running.

For a start, running against the wind is NOT the same as cycling against the wind.  No way.

Secondly, hills are very different.  The slow climb on a bike is not the same on your feet.  You can slow right down on your feet, right down, taking the tiniest steps in the world, and short of a sudden bout of vertigo, or something a bit bappit, you'll not not fall over.  Along with the short sharp 10% gradient which you could puff your way up in a bike, your lungs were burning but your thighs were fine, running your legs don't want to play any more and your lungs have decided to walk home themselves.

Thirdly, going through a muck patch, you'll only get your face in it if you've fallen, when you're on your feet, and you can step round it.  On a bike, you're either going through it, with god knows what in your hair, or not at all (to whit it'll be the slow fall of shame, in park-and-woods crap).


I'm mostly on the bike for travelling.  And I'm quite enjoying.  The insomnia's a bit touch and go at the moment.  I didn't do any exercise yesterday, (but did on Sunday) and didn't sleep well.  I'm dozing off, but not fully falling asleep and waking up several times in the night.  It's more to do with long days since the only thing that kept going round in my head last night was having two biscuits.  One of them was broken giving me three sections of biscuit, I was debating the import of when to eat the unbroken one.  Seriously.  This is what keeps me up.

Still.  We go to Greece next week and I'm trying to find a cycling tour in Athens.  The one I found was full unfortunately. We've also planned a big trip leaving late July. Though I think that deserves a proper post.

Until then what holidays have you got/had going on this year, and what was your favourite part?

Jx

Niaro and the Giant Trophy

So... A tiny wee man has won a giant swirl of gold, and the only thing bigger than that is his smile.

The only reason I'm mentioning this now is because we're a couple of days (all right, a week) behind I've just googled it whilst watching the last stage.

But I have to say it's pretty good.  I'm a bit of a fan for several reasons.  Firstly, as a fellow short arse I feel it's a triumph for short arses all round.  It says, yeh, we may not be able to reach things but who needs to when we can climb mountains like that.  And now when someone says to me 'Good things come in small packages'  and I say 'What?  Like smallpox and addictive narcotics?' I can also answer 'and Giro winners.' Two, neither of us suit that shade of pink.  And C he's been generally quite smiley about it, which is very nice.  He's only 24, the wean, and to have him look so very pleased with himself, and hear him big up Columbia... that's how winners should conduct themselves definitely, and Columbia could be a future holiday destination for cycling which is no bad thing which considering the reputation of the country would be a nice change!

Jx
Short Arse Rules.

How to routinely deal with a (hopefully) one off bout of Insomnia

If you heed anything tonight, heed this:

 DO NOT EVER LOOK AT ANY CLOCKS.  DO NOT COUNT YOUR TIME AWAKE, HOW MANY HOURS YOU HAVE TO SLEEP, OR TAKE NOTICE OF WHEN YOU HAVE TO BE UP FOR.  TURN THEM ALL AROUND.  PUT A POST IT NOTE OVER THE COMPUTER CLOCK. DO NOT LOOK AT YOUR PHONE.

The above warning is imperative to the quality of sleep you get if you do manage to get any sleep this late in the sodding night!!!!!

So... You've been lying in your bed (or someone elses), after having some half baked nodding off type dream where you lived in a flat (a lot like the type the junior ministers have in In The Thick Of It, because you and the Gids have been series's, seriesing, seriesining it and you might possibly be the tall lanky one in your dream, but you don't have rooms you have pods and you're not shagging anyone) but then you realise that you're half awake and you can see the Gids's mobile phone blinking, and you're thinking your bladder full, and the only one not snoring in your bed is you.  This is how you handle it.

1.  Lie there for another 20 minutes (real time 2 mins 13 secs), convincing  yourself that no, you really are going to go to sleep any minute now.  And your bladders not full, no, it's really not, you just think it is because it's half past two in the morning.  DO NOT LOOK AT THE CLOCK!!! HEED THE WARNING ABOVE. MAKE THIS THE LAST TIME.

2. Decide that, regardless of the state of your bladder, if you are going to get up to go to the loo you will get up properly because otherwise it will be pointless getting up at all.

3.  Get up.  Do not switch light on for fear of waking Giddy Blonde (boyfriend), and Not So Giddy Blonde (Dog).  Try to find manky fleece you've been living in most mornings.  Wake everyone up looking for it.  Find manky fleece.

4.  Go for a pee.  It'll be a surprisingly short one.

5.  Descend the stairs, and decide you want a snack.  Think about making cheese sandwich.  Don't, as it's too much effort.  Have 3 day old french bread from Lidl smothered with Lurpak.  It's actually quite satisfying.  Resist the urge to eat more, knowing that you'll finish the bread and resort to licking butter out the tub like it's peanut butter out the jar just because no one will see you.

6.  Try to examine psychologically why it is you're awake, with that chuffing smuggy voice your friends hear when you think you're being wise and helpful, when really you're just being interfering and officious.  It's usually pretty obvious. It'll either be one  (or a combination) of three things:

• Something has royally ticked you off. You'll have the situation, conversation, e-mail, what you said, what they said, how it started playing over and over and over in your head like a video. This will probably be a recurring situation, or a recurring someone that's compounding a situation that you've found yourself in (again).  It will be more to do with how you've handled things (how you couldn't stand up to this person, or change the outcome to the outcome you wanted), because, however you managed to handle it, that other persons just a massive dick head and can't help themselves (trust me, I know, it's always them). What happened, and every scenario you have in your head, what you should have said, did,  write it all down.  Including the one where you smash the fecker in the windscreen with your tiny wheeled Brompton, his car careers off into the harbour, explodes like a atom bomb, and you catch your little bike (it's boomeranged back to you because you and it are a team *air punch*) and ride off into the sunset.  Write that all down, you will feel better.

• You've not done enough moving today.  Seriously.  Running after kids, housework, up and down the stairs in the office doesn't count (though it does help).  It's not bodily fitness you do this for, but to change your brain chemistry.  Besides from releasing endorphins, exercise helps control  'RUN NOW BUT KILL THEM ALL FIRST' chemicals in your brain that rock about if you've been under stress (and make you loose your temper). Your heart has to thump though. When your brain gets used to your heart rate rising though an intentional and non-stressful means, your brain doesn't release these chemicals quite so violently, and if they are released, exercise gives somewhere to channel that energy you naturally want to use to kill those people.   If you're not used to exercise, just start with getting your heart rate up and quit just before you absolutely feel you have to.  Don't have time?  You massive liar.  1 minute shince (aka a 'run' to those who can, I can't), 1 minute walk home from work (or even get a bike!!!)  You tube sun salutations whilst your bath runs/kids nap or watch cartoons.  Get one of those mad little stepper things and hop on that 'til the adverts on Coronation Street come on (that's every 10 minutes people!).  If that's too strenuous, do it during the breaks of your favourite show. That's quite literally 3 minutes folks.

• Your brain chemistry is a little fecked. Me, the reason I'm up now listening to birds sing and watching the sky turn a dull blue at 4.20 am is a mixture of all three.  I've been finding it difficult to get to sleep for the past couple of weeks as it's been lighter right up until 10 pm now.  It's like reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder (which I get as well, managed with even more exercise and B vitamins).  

So compound this with being ticked off at someone, (myself, I am my own dick head - I wanted to finish something today and I didn't, I just wasted my day mostly, it's not the first day of this procrastination but several),  and not doing any exercise, (I could have done 15 minutes on the turbo trainer even though I was shincing on Sunday). I'm up listening to the birdies sing.  What are the options for this kind of issue?  Well  I usually don't go for the chemically induced option until a good couple of nights of proper struggling.  I have quite a high tolerance for sleeping pills and I like to give them the best chance of working and take them only when I really need to.   Either way, unless you go holistically (see the first and second bullet points) you have to make a choice between feeling crap with no sleep, or feeling crap (and mildly jellied) with sleep.  Just know that you're going to be rubbish and useless until you tackle one (or both) of the first two issues that will be keeping you awake.

It's properly light out side my window now,  I usually have a rule that if I've been awake until dawn, I will just see the day through again since the amount of sleep I get will not be enough for the day and my sleep pattern will be out of whack. But it is half four in the morning, and if I can get up and have a shit load of coffee, I might just be OK. 

Decisions, decisions.

Jx


DON'T LOOK AT THE CLOCK!

I'm rethinking... the situation (twiddles fingers like Fagan from that orphan film where he had to leave the work house due to porriage gate)

What was it called?

Anyhoo.  I cycled quite a bit last week but not this week as I seem to have had some kind of cold in the past couple of days so taking it easy.  Am going to do a session on the turbo trainer today and then perhaps see about hitting the big hill across from my house next week.  I've also put in a forty miler from Inverurie round for Sunday when I am definately going out. I am.

Further to this I feel ready to announce that I'll be reconfiguring this blog to a sleeker more helpful page (for me anyway).  I've done quiet a few of the You Tube videos these past couple of weeks so I'm thinking I could do proper reviews - with what they're good for - and links along the side.

I also have to admit that the blog has been abit aimless of late, as has the cycling.  I'm not even in deepest darkest training and I really should be.  Has my interest in the Etape wained a little.  It's not going to bode well for the under 6 hours goal is it?

Hrmm.

Jx

You may or may not have noticed but I have....

...been away for about 3 weeks.  Or so.  Probably or so.  I'm still on the brompton for getting out and about - I had a puncture about a week past and had to change the tyre which was surprisingly easy.  What else.  We went to Andorra for snowboarding, which I managed quite easily - I took the garmin which worked a treat.  And I would really recommend Andorra for snowboarding or general ski hols, really quite cheap and cheerful and the food was surprisingly good, the best of both Spain and France.  Patatas Bravas with spicy paprika mayonaise, and Bonbon - espresso layered with condensed milk yummy!

There's not really been a lot of cycling apart from the odd jaunt to Asda or B&Q.  We're thinking of going traveling during the summer - and having the house done for us going will be very good.   Still got the etape going for us.  So really need to get some proper road cycling under my belt.  Might do that this weekend - a 40 miler.  Yes.  Best get the finger out.

The reason I've taken the notion to blog today is that I've just done a workout by the Realfit.Tv gal.  A spot of kick boxing which I hadn't done since Glasgow.  So that's helped.  I think my arms will hurt tomorrow because there was a lot of push ups and my arms have gone a bit puny since the cycling.

Jx

Christmas Haul!!!

Woopwoop! Did Santa bring you anything nice?  I've been a bit non-engagey this year.  Kind of feel like Christmas is something that happened to me, not something I've partook in. But I still got prezzies - even though my present buying was less than adequate (seriously, I got a secret santa Gaffa tape - Santa appologised but still.)

Whilst the Gids is still waiting for his present to arrive, I still got mine from him.  He knows my love of electronics which are all about me, so I've got a fitbit.  It's rather good.  It measures my sleep, how many steps I take a day and how many calories I burn.  Since I've not really been on the bike this last month, it turns out that a few chores around the house, and walking the dog barely amounts to 5,000 steps a day.  So after lunch with friends I decided to walk home - busting my 5k with a blistering 12K! Not sure how it's going to work on the bike (if it will at all), whether it will measure turns of the pedals as steps, but I've already got an app for my phone if I don't fancy fitting the Brompton with Garry Garmin (which I really don't, the Bromptons smelling the roses cycling not High Intensity Training).

Anyway, Merry Christmas to youse all, and a Happy Hogmanay!

Jx

It's not the best idea I've ever had...

...but I start 7.30 am yoga on Monday.  As someone who doesn't get out of bed before 8 on a school day it's not the best idea I've ever had but I'm going with it.  I shall ofcourse be commuting on the Brompton, and I think I'll be possibly navigating the 'Big Road' - King Street.  The one with all the big traffic - a couple of 16 wheelers, the busses the four-by-fours but it should be fairly early in the morning.

What else.. we might have the opportunity of doing Fat Tyre Bike Tours in London. Which is going to leave me only lacking in Barcelona T-Shirtness.

Jx

I've just given the Brompton it's first 'service'...

...the word 'service' is 'quotation marks' because I'm fairly sure a service entails more than having a go a pumping up the tires, twisting the inny gear thing to see if it stops the two other gears clicking as you ride, then twisting it back because you don't really know what you're doing.  Needless to say I've aggravated the knuckle I previously bruised (I was gawking at prostitutes in Berlin and walked into a metal post) and have a oil stain on the back of my hand swarfega won't remove.

What else... well, we've (me and the Gids) have been to Berlin!  They like their bikes and their dogs and their beer - so I'm pretty much taken by them.  The roads are wide and there wasn't a lot of hurry where we were.  We did a Fat-Tyre-Bicycle Tour (with a girl called Kate) who was very good.  My oddly favourite part was going to see where Hitler committed suicide - it's really quite unsettling how something so important can happen in a space that is now utterly mundane.

I'm also lamenting the fact that as a person who hates dusting I have a lot of white gloss in my house. I don't like white gloss, and I'm wondering if there a way to get it off without poisoning myself with chemical paint stripper, or making an even bigger mess and the only option I can come up with is getting someone else to do it. Another option is leaving the house completely and getting on the bike.  It's windy outside but I think right now I prefer the wind to white gloss.

Jx

Yoga doesn't actually mean making shapes...

...the word Yoga is figurative. Like a set of morals it's a code to live by, which is why followers are called Yogis. And there's lots of different kinds of Yoga.  There's Chi Yoga, that is very low key and easy, then there's Hatha Yoga, expelling your lungs out through your nose and washing them in a puddle easy, like what happened to some ancient Hindus after being chased to the jungle by a marauding horde (and possibly ingesting the wrong kind of mushroom).

My point is there's lots of different kind of Yoga, just like there's lots of different cyclists.  And whilst I don't particularly feel the need to knock a particular kind of Yogi, I do want to knock a particular kind of cyclist. Now I'm not person of prejudice (but then rabid bigots never think they are), and I know that every one should live their life, do yoga, cycle bikes, etc, however they want.  But then there's that bitter I-hate-you-and-just-because in the back of my brain that says 'No, not everyone. There's them'.  Or rather him.  I've only seen one of them.  He was wearing a zipper jacket with collar, the zipper pulled down enough to see his polo shirt, collar up.  He had on cargo shorts, the kind that tucked in at the knees enough to make them look like plus fours. He was riding a Specialised - not a new one but definitely high end - had egg beater pedals but was wearing deck shoes with no socks and no helmet either.  He had an air of a Don Johnson from Miami Vice, and because he wasn't wearing a helmet, he has his hair as well.  And I think that's why I hate him.  I hate his hair especially.  I mostly hate his hair and because it's attached to the rest of him I hate the rest of him too.  Actually I've changed my mind, if he was just hair I'd like him more but it's attached to his smug polo shirt wearing, beater deck shod arse.  What kind of a man leaves the house without socks in Aberdeen!!! He wasn't even wearing one sock!  He is quite clearly a monster and must be stopped.

It also hasn't escaped me that my 100th post is about a man I've never met but decidedly hate... so yeh...

Jx

I've been bad...

...I've been cycling on the pavement!  And a man ran across the road when it was green for traffic, and then cycled up the wrong side on Union Street to tell me off!  So I feighned interest and tried to look sorry, then cycled across the road with the pedestrians when the green man went green.

Things you should know when wearing normal clothes to cycle...

When wearking a skirt...

1.  Doesn't matter how long your skirt is, unless it's Big Fat Gypsy Long you'll need to protect your modesty by...

2.  Wear big knickers - mine are so large that the Red  Cross could erect a hospital (with several wings) in a war zone.  They're not really for show more for security because you're going to be wearing number 3...

4. Opaque Tights are a must.  Marks and Spencers finest.  They will save you should you have any wardrobe malfunctions.  I know this because...

5. Tight turquoise blue knee length pencil skirts will split quite far up at the back when you cycle.  It won't happen immediately, but it will happen.  You can negate this happening by shimming-ing the skirt up so that the split at the back (which allows you to move your legs enough to walk but not cycle) sits on your seat, but if you've not shimmied it up far enough the split at the back becomes a MAHHOSSSIVE RRRIPPPP!

Jx