Monday, 20 May 2013

Oh adverts.... How do I hate you, let me count the ways...

Sure Maximum Protection Advert - I know enough about how adverts work.  I know those women are supposed to look 'challenging' and 'full of attitude'.  But really they just look like they've got bad period cramp and you're between them and ice cream.  Not one of them look like they're in the mood to do anything that requires industral strength sweat stopper.  Not one of them look like they've sweated so far through their sports bra it's gone from light marl grey to a slate grey colour, not one of them look like they've got so sweaty they've burned holes in their nylon.  Yeh women sweat, and they sweat really badly, they sweat so badly they have sweaty water beads on their shoulder, they sweat so badly the backs of their hands go shiney,  they sweat so badly if they exercise in their lovely pale blue capri sprint shorts it looks like they've wet themselves.  NONE of those women in that advert look like they have, or ever want to get that sweaty.  They look like they've spent four hours straitening their hair and make up and are angry that no one noticed.

Volum' Express The Rocket Washable Mascara/Barry M Vagas Mascara - The first ad asks you if you want explosive lashes.  Who in their right mind would want their lashes to explode.  Maybelline might as well say "Why don't you come here so I can poke you in the eye with a stick, you'll enjoy that!"  The Barry M one's not any better... 'Eyelashes the size of an elephant', if you want to know what that's like get a heavy bar bell and superglue that to your eyelid you complete eejit.

Amazon. 'Changing your world one thing at a time' with a smile on the box...  You creepy bastards.


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