Monday, 30 September 2013

Yoga doesn't actually mean making shapes...

...the word Yoga is figurative. Like a set of morals it's a code to live by, which is why followers are called Yogis. And there's lots of different kinds of Yoga.  There's Chi Yoga, that is very low key and easy, then there's Hatha Yoga, expelling your lungs out through your nose and washing them in a puddle easy, like what happened to some ancient Hindus after being chased to the jungle by a marauding horde (and possibly ingesting the wrong kind of mushroom).

My point is there's lots of different kind of Yoga, just like there's lots of different cyclists.  And whilst I don't particularly feel the need to knock a particular kind of Yogi, I do want to knock a particular kind of cyclist. Now I'm not person of prejudice (but then rabid bigots never think they are), and I know that every one should live their life, do yoga, cycle bikes, etc, however they want.  But then there's that bitter I-hate-you-and-just-because in the back of my brain that says 'No, not everyone. There's them'.  Or rather him.  I've only seen one of them.  He was wearing a zipper jacket with collar, the zipper pulled down enough to see his polo shirt, collar up.  He had on cargo shorts, the kind that tucked in at the knees enough to make them look like plus fours. He was riding a Specialised - not a new one but definitely high end - had egg beater pedals but was wearing deck shoes with no socks and no helmet either.  He had an air of a Don Johnson from Miami Vice, and because he wasn't wearing a helmet, he has his hair as well.  And I think that's why I hate him.  I hate his hair especially.  I mostly hate his hair and because it's attached to the rest of him I hate the rest of him too.  Actually I've changed my mind, if he was just hair I'd like him more but it's attached to his smug polo shirt wearing, beater deck shod arse.  What kind of a man leaves the house without socks in Aberdeen!!! He wasn't even wearing one sock!  He is quite clearly a monster and must be stopped.

It also hasn't escaped me that my 100th post is about a man I've never met but decidedly hate... so yeh...

Jx

Tuesday, 17 September 2013

I've been bad...

...I've been cycling on the pavement!  And a man ran across the road when it was green for traffic, and then cycled up the wrong side on Union Street to tell me off!  So I feighned interest and tried to look sorry, then cycled across the road with the pedestrians when the green man went green.

Things you should know when wearing normal clothes to cycle...

When wearking a skirt...

1.  Doesn't matter how long your skirt is, unless it's Big Fat Gypsy Long you'll need to protect your modesty by...

2.  Wear big knickers - mine are so large that the Red  Cross could erect a hospital (with several wings) in a war zone.  They're not really for show more for security because you're going to be wearing number 3...

4. Opaque Tights are a must.  Marks and Spencers finest.  They will save you should you have any wardrobe malfunctions.  I know this because...

5. Tight turquoise blue knee length pencil skirts will split quite far up at the back when you cycle.  It won't happen immediately, but it will happen.  You can negate this happening by shimming-ing the skirt up so that the split at the back (which allows you to move your legs enough to walk but not cycle) sits on your seat, but if you've not shimmied it up far enough the split at the back becomes a MAHHOSSSIVE RRRIPPPP!

Jx


Monday, 9 September 2013

Oh Gaffa tape...

... how I love thee, let me count the ways.  The brompton needs a cup holder.  So I have fashioned one out of gaffa tape.  White Gaffa tape so it matches the brompton.  I have felt for some time that a cup holder was needed.  I mentioned this to the guy whose life is enriched by me sitting next to him (he's gone grey and nervous) and he asked me if I was wanting people to see how clever I was... More than likely folk'll go 'look at that eejit. Spilling coffee like she was painting lines on the road.'  I think he's jealous.

I also had a couple of lassies at work ask me if I was up for some corporate decathlon Mountain Biking.  We all know the hatered I have preserved for the nobbly tires, however if anyone is female and about the 'deen this weekend, leave a note.  If you're not female and you still want to partake I'm sure if you turned up wearing a stuffed bra and muttered something about 'hormone problems' as a teenager they'd still take you.

Never mind.  Been looking at holidays and the Tour of Britian.  Not together though.  I'm trying to talk the Gids (who says he neither wants to do another city break nor a 'beach holiday'... really?  This time of year?  What else is there?) into going to Copenhagan which looks very much like a cycling paradise.  And the Tour of Britain - which looks like there's going to be quite a few big names.  I think 'Quintana in Canonbie' has a very nice ring to it. 


Jx

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